Noidea

Leaving

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 17:05:59 GMT

The funeral yesterday at noon.
I'd like to thank everybody who called or texted, you have no idea how much it means to have friends who care. People always think its cliche to send their condolences, but having gone through it, it really does help.
There were tears, mostly other peoples. I don't cry when people are around, i cried my tears as i was alone with the casket, that is enough.
We went to dinner afterwards, to celebrate his life, to celebrate my cousin's birthday, to celebrate the fact that we have family, that we are family. I haven't seen everybody in one place in so long, we toasted to my uncle for giving us that one last parting gift.
As people are leaving today, some tears are shed, but they are tears of thankfulness, tears of joy, tears of family, and, yes, some tears of sadness and sorrow. I'm glad I came back, I needed to.
I fly out tomorrow, back to nashville, away from my family, but maybe the Hokie alumni association can be that for me out there.

Credit Where Credit is Due

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 23:05:05 GMT

Just once, I'd like to get credit for something i've done.
I blend in really well with the background.
People who know my views as an organizer know that I make myself invisible to the event participants.
Thats my job.
I used to work back stage.
Just once I'd like to be recognized for things.
I teach dance, a thanks from a student would go a long way.
The worst is when somebody else gets credit for my work.
I don't care if most people think that somebody else did it, thats fine.
The people who matter, I want them to know i did the work.
I feel that I'm always invisible.
----------------------

oh, and I bought the peeps...

positive outlook

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 02:26:41 GMT

I know that it seems like all I do on this blog is emote...and thats kind of true.
Reading this you would think I'm a sad sad person...constantly love struck jilted pathetic geek of a fool.
In some ways you might be right...but I'm really not all that sad...
My life is going well, I would just prefer to be in Atlanta right now.
Its both a job thing and a personal relationship thing.
I'm not really sure which is greater cause for discontent,
the fact that I'm here
or the fact that I'm not there.
That may not make much sense to you so let me break it down.
the first is that I'm here, i could be anywhere else but here.
the second is that i'm not in atlanta, I could be other places and just as discontent.
As I said, in truth, I'm doing rather well.
Stable job, at least till my contract runs out
Stable income, relatively decent for here (piss poor for DC)
I have friends here who I can talk to,
Friends that I can call almost any time.
I have my health, I have food, I have many many good things in my life.
Its always the things that we don't have, or the people we don't have, that we miss/want
I should be content with what I have...
or at least happy with what i have...
and strive for more
but let that more be something that is a bonus and not the sole reason for my happiness.
i am happy...kind of...i'll keep telling myself that...

Questions

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 22:43:06 GMT

What makes one potential relationship different from others?
what is it about a person that, when you meet them, instead of going for a fling, you want to make something that lasts?
What makes a person change from being the type to just throw everything to the wind and hope a relationship takes flight to somebody who isn't willing to risk the distance?
what makes a person feel like they are special?
what makes a person feel like they're being ignored?
What lets that person know they're not?
What makes something romantic?
What is enough?
What do we have?
What can we make it into?
What do you feel?
What do you want?
Are you willing to take the risk of answering these questions?
What will you find out about yourself?
What will you find out about us?

Fathers...

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 15:26:58 GMT

sometimes I feel rather callous when I see how deeply loving some people are of their fathers. My father moved out so long ago, he hasn't been a part of my life for almost 20 years. He's been around, in and out, on and off, but he has been my father, not my Dad.
I don't know if that makes any sense to people who have good nuclear families, but their is a difference that i both feel and see quite clearly. He is my father, there is no denying that, there is nothing that can change that. He's not much of a dad though, he doesn't do the things that a dad does.

greatful

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 13:51:33 GMT

sometimes i do look back at things that could have been, i look at the way things were and i know how good things were. I don't regret what happened, i regret how it happened.
the more i look back on things,
the more i find out about what is goign on now,
the more i realize that i made the right choice.
petty jabs
puerile remarks
assuming its all about her
she probably thinks she is the reason i don't go dancing
she probably thinks i avoid her after dances
she can think what she wants
whatever makes her happy
whatever helps her sleep at night.

Super Dome

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 11:04:37 GMT

I know it shouldn't be funny but i does anybody else find it mildly amusing that people are being moved from the Superdome to the Astrodome?

Dvorak

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 07:15:06 GMT

learning to type using a dvorak keyboard is pretty difficult. i haven't quite gotten the hang of it, but it'll just take some time.

electric bills

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 00:59:53 GMT

i wonder if the electric bill for blind people is any lower than non blind people.
no lights...no TV...might be cheaper...

pick a tempo

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 12:53:16 GMT

DJing last night was interesting
i generally keep tempos somewhere around 150-200
normally i hear requests for faster music.
last night, apparently the music was too fast.
go figure, i got more people out dancing with 110 than i did with 160. oh well, whatever they want. as long as the people keep coming and giving us money, its all good.

fly paper

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 16:37:58 GMT

is it bad that i want to breed fruit flies just to see them get stuck on fly paper?

scientology!!

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 13:03:07 GMT

check it out...i want to become a loyal follower of Xenu..or is it Xemu...it doesn't matter because he's a leader of a galactic federation consisting of 76 planets. He's got mad cool powers...i wonder how he would fair against Cthulhu....hmm..this bears research..

new age music....

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 12:50:47 GMT

new age music...it seems like its here to stay...
we're going to have to kill it...

what tree are you?

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 12:48:48 GMT

You Are A Hazelnut Tree

You're a charmer with a killer sense of humor.

You are very demanding, but you can also be very understanding.

No matter what, you always make a lasting impression - you're quite popular.

Passionate, you are an active fighter for social causes and politics.

In general, you are moody, honest, a perfectionist, and very sexual.

What is Your Celtic Horoscope?

how fitting...i'm a nut tree

Good mornin, good mornin

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 15:18:42 GMT

I need to buy Singin in the Rain at some point. Its playing on TV right now and i keep forgetting how much I love this movie. That and Debbie Reynolds is just gorgeous in it.

Mon, 30 May 2005 13:23:20 GMT

apparently i'm not allowed to make personal comments on my own page without being rebuked for them by the people reading it. This is my page, you can read it all you want, if you take things personally, thats your problem. Don't come crying to me about it.
If i delete a comment,
maybe its because i'm offended by it.
maybe its because i feel others will be offended by it
maybe its because i'm tired and hit a wrong button
its my page
deal
this page is for me
you can all follow my trials and tribulations if you so desire
but it is my life, my page
if you're offended, don't read it

life is not...

Mon, 30 May 2005 06:43:12 GMT

life is not all about you
everybody has issues
people can't be there for you all the time
sometimes you just have to deal
you want to be happy
so do we all
for the most part
we each have our own problems
life is not all about you

Lian Chan visits China

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 15:30:43 GMT

Behind all of this is Beijing's 'united front' strategy, which aims at cozying up to the opposition parties, dividing Taiwan and forcing the government to accept 'one China' and the alleged consensus... However, as long as Taiwan's political parties cannot agree on the basic principles of national sovereignty and policy toward China, then these two trips may turn out to be not a glorious beginning to better times, but the first step towards disaster.

Editorial in Taiwan's Taipei Times

you won't understand

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 03:43:19 GMT

You don't know where i've been.
You've never been there.
i hope you get there someday.
perhaps then you'll understand.

Pope Benedict XVI

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 12:05:15 GMT

So the new says he wants to unify all Christians.
I can't disagree with that goal, i think that would be fabulous. I think he needs to forget about that for now though, he should focus on unifying all Catholics first. Benedict is definately not going to have much luck with that, especially since he's considered to be one of the more anal retentive conservative choices the conclave could have made. I don't say this to be insulting, it just happens to be a fact which almost every news organization has said in a more elequent manner.
Should be interesting to see how long he lasts.

USC - trojans

Mon, 18 Apr 2005 19:38:35 GMT

i wonder what the pregnancy rate is out in California.
With a name like the USC Trojans, one would hope it would be lower than average.

Valentines Day Links

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 23:36:59 GMT

Valentines day is probably one of the worst days of the year.
For guys in a relationship it means money, spending lots of money. For those of us who are not in a relationship, yes we save money, but at the same time the rest of the world seems so happy to be in their relationships and the entire holiday focuses on relationships.
Its a constant reminder of how alone we are in the world and how we were made to be with people, but we're not.
Then there are the continual reminders about what other people are doing for valentines day. We're going out to dinner. We're going to have a picnic. We're going to do this, or do that...
i'd really just like to spend it with somebody...
I hate valentines day...

All about Heart Failure
Broken Heart Syndrom (aka stress cardiomyopathy)

and yes, i actually have read the actual paper to which this article makes reference to.

questionaire

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 18:24:55 GMT

1. First name?
Alan

2. Were you named after anyone?
Alan

3. Do you wish on stars?
yes

4. When did you last cry?
long time ago...don't remember

5. Do you like your handwriting?
no

6. What is your favorite lunch meat?
salami

7. What is your birth date?
27.3.1979

8. What is your most embarrassing CD?
Mariah Carey..but i don't listen to it

9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with yourself?
probably

18. Do you have a journal?
duh

19. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
nooooo

22. What are your nicknames?
normal asian alan, well adjusted asian alan

23. Would you bungee jump?
i think so

24. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
only if i need to

25. Do you think that you are strong?
in what way

26. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
ube or mango

28. Shoe Size?
9-10 mens, 11-12 womens

29. Red or pink?
light red

30. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
i'm a procrastinator

31. Who do you miss most?
scarecrow

32. Do you want everyone you know to fill this out?
no

33. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
jeans, black shoes

34. What are you listening to right now?
lecture on aldosterone antagonist use in patients with heart failure

35. Last thing you ate?
guiness

36. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
blurple

37. What is the weather like right now?
cold and shitty

38. Last person you talked to on the phone?
anne

39. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
face

40. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
somebody sent it to me?

42. Favorite Drink?
gin and tonic or port

43. Favorite Sport?
dancing...or tennis

44. Hair Color?
black

45. Eye Color?
black

46. Do you wear contacts?
yes

48. Favorite Food?
mexican, authentic chinese, greek, ethiopian..heck i just like food

49. Last Movie You Watched?
herald and kumar go to white castle...horrible movie..i feel dumber for having seen it

50. Favorite Day Of The Year?
valentines day...more people feel as miserable as i do

51. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings?
can't we have both?

2. Summer Or Winter?
summer

53. Hugs OR Kisses?
"well the way these sound I don't want either, but a solid makeout session would be nice." - i can live with that answer

55. What Is Your Favorite Dessert?
chocolate souffle cake from CPK

56. Who Is Most Likely To Respond?
patients with end stage HF

57. Who Is Least Likely To Respond?
patients with asymptomatic HF

58. Living Arrangements?
roommate in a 2 bedroom apt...he's kinda boring

59. What Books Are You Reading?
i'm illiterate

60. What's On Your Mouse Pad?
a pug..but i don't use it...optical mice and touch pads

62. What Did You Watch Last night on TV?
sponge bob square pants

63. Favorite Smells?
flowers

64. Favorite Sounds?
music

65. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
beatles

66. What's the furthest you've been from home?
umm..can't really say, i've called taiwan home, and US home..so..europe?

67. Do you have a special talent?
i can look like i understand everything while knowing nothing

68. What is your ringtone?
ri-i-i-i-i-ing

nudes

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 06:20:23 GMT

there is something beautiful about nude photography when done for the sake of art and not for the sake of porn. When the model is trying to be artful rather than seductive.

shadow fun

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 02:37:35 GMT

its not what you think